All posts tagged sex

This started on Twitter and it made me laugh and I wanted to keep it :)

1. I want a decoupage tombstone.
2. @jasonjordan will MC my funeral in a Gimp Suit
3. My funeral song shall be “Shaddup Your Face”
4. My children shall be forced to live with their grandparents muahahahahahahahahaha
5. The food at my funeral shall be an assortment of ball-shaped foods.
6. My ashes shall be scattered #onyourface
7. @sebsharp can have my sex toys
8. I bequeath all of my debt to the animal shelter.
9. I offer to donate my body to science, ONLY if they make a midget lift me onto the table. On his own.
10. @sebsharp can have all of my sex toys, with the exception of the 13″ stainless steel one, who I bequeath to @shelly1912
11. Scrap the ashes. I shall be stuffed and put on a seat at @Mooba as a deterrent for Exomod spies.
12. My children are required to point toward the Apple store at hourly intervals and salute.
13. I would like my bum to me made into a nice lamp.
14. If my death is suspicious, I consent to an autopsy, limited ONLY to left ring finger.
15. If you memorialise my Facebook account, clean my fish tank & harvest my crops whilst you are there, thanks.
16. If you sleep with my ex, beware, he’s crap in the sack. Hence the toys.
17. The invitations for my funeral shall cost no more than $1.99 & need to have bedazzling
18. You shall, as a community, commit to tweeting no less than once every 23 seconds in my honour.
19. If you find… the thing… in the… thing… you know what to do :)
20. @jaso32 remember to put the bins out.
21. If I could at all come back as a vampire, when I die tonight, please let me be a GOOD vampire, not a shit Twilight one.
22. If I manage to communicate with you after I am gone, cover your ears for it shall be Dexter spoilers.
23. If I do actually die, which is a certainty, I nominate @mrsisterchris to tearfully (vomitly) read out this list.