Archive for March, 2010

The benefits of actual diagnosis? I’m wondering.

by tealou on March 16, 2010 in Health with 16 Comments

You may have noticed that the Daily Doses of WTF blog was amalgamated into this one… I just thought it was more economical and it has roughly the same amount of readers anyway… so… yeah.

With all the hoopla that has been going on, I haven’t been able to write or update much about the health/diagnosis/treatment situation.

I’ve been on thyroid meds for a while, and they are working a little. I think that it’s going to be a bit of a journey of finding an optimal dose, and I am going to try my luck at getting a script for natural thyroid… which apparently for subclinical Hashimoto’s, anecdotally, seems to work better.

I have noticed some pretty bad depression sneaking in, lately, too… but SSRI’s have never been very effective. The only thing that has ever touched the depression was the Duromine and Dexamphetamine. Again, there seems to be some evidence that a Dexamphetamine/Fluoxetine combo is a more effective treatment for thyroid patients. That’s going to be a really hard sell, what with Dex being a controlled substance… but after things stabilise I think that may be the next thing to address. Apparently some Doctors prescribe Zyban off-label with similar effects… but it lowers the seizure threshold… and given my propensity for seizures, I don’t know if they’ll be willing to take that risk.

But all in all, I think we are on the right track with the thyroid treatment. It’s just a matter of getting the right combo of treatment, isolating a proper cause (ie the rate that antibodies are affecting things, if there is a hyper/hypo cycle, if there is also adrenal fatigue, basically just watching, tweaking, waiting… which drives me crazy).

I still need to see a decent Endo who can help me with the finer details.

The biggest change, though, has come from my decision to try a gluten free diet. Between Hashimoto’s and Coeliac, all of my symptoms are pretty well explained. It also came as a bit of a surprise to learn just how many members of my family have a similar auto-immune combo happening. So, it almost seems obvious now that I think about it.

My Doctor advised me to try the thyroid meds first, before trying a gluten free diet. It is also harder to get a diagnosis of coeliac if you go on a gluten free diet, because everything starts to heal (and you need to consume gluten for 6 weeks prior to testing). But 2 weeks after starting the thyroid meds, I started to become more aware of the quite severe gastrointestinal issues and honestly? I just got sick to death of being sick.

So last week, I started a gluten free diet. My improvement was noticeable. Not remarkable, but very much in line with what other coeliacs I know have experienced – an initial relief around 36 hours, and then a gradual feeling of wellbeing when the diet kicks in. I keep making some mistakes, like assuming that there is no gluten in chicken stock ( the risotto was still yum…haha), and I am eating more carbs than I ordinarily would (just because I am learning and rice crackers are a safe option), but I think I am on the right track.

Which leads me to the question: is it worth pursuing the diagnosis of Coeliac Disease?

There are a couple of reasons why I wonder this, but the main one is that all I ever wanted to do was feel better and have an answer for it. I am some way towards having an answer, and for that I am happy. Our whole family is going gluten free, we plan to make it a non-issue (given the genetic component of Coeliac, the kids will probably benefit), and, you know…

To be able to get the diagnosis, I have now basically committed myself to 6 weeks of eating gluten again (with all the gut pain and stuff that goes with it), plus a general anaesthetic, a biopsy, test results and all that crap… and the lottery of possibly not getting a Doctor that is half decent… and that whole mousewheel turning thing.

The fact of the matter is, I am PETRIFIED of any more medical procedures. I have been way too sick way too many times – been poked, prodded, stripped naked, lungs collapsed, complication after complication including sepsis and coma… and you know, I just don’t want any more if I can avoid it.

Should I just be happy that I am on the right track, or should I pursue the formal diagnosis? I know in Canada that they give some concessions & tax benefits for gluten free products… is it like that here? I finally feel like there might be an answer, after over 23 years of not knowing how I would feel every single day… and I just want to move on.

Do you have any advice? Should I go through all the testing? What would you do?

Well, I do believe that is called a backlash…

by tealou on March 15, 2010 in The Internet with 10 Comments

I have had such an amazing response from my post yesterday about why I have decided to quit Facebook. So many people have emailed me and DMed me on Twitter voicing their support and similar concerns.

It has got me thinking a LOT about why I decided to end it. It seemed like a bit of a knee-jerk reaction at the time, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that Facebook is an addiction. It’s weird for me to admit that, because I honestly wouldn’t say that I use Facebook any more than your average desk-bound person. In fact, in many ways, I use it a lot less (don’t use those stupid applications like Farmville etc). So it’s weird that I would be saying that I feel “addicted” to Facebook.

It makes me wonder out loud how the brain responds to notifications, messages, likes etc… and whether there is some propensity in people to become addicted to an endorphin rush via a psychological reward system… and that withdrawal from that is something similar to an actual physical withdrawal.

It’s weird, because when I sat down today to start work, I checked Twitter. I checked email. I didn’t check Facebook. And it was all compete in 20 minutes. My typical day would generally be me checking email, checking Twitter, checking Facebook, getting lost in Facebook for half an hour, wondering what this-person-meant-by-this and why-they’ve-commented-on-her-status-but-not-mine and my-friends-obviously-all-hate-me… then checking email & Twitter again until it was 11am.

Today, I did some work, my phone rang. I spoke on the phone, found a pause and, like some sort of weird automatic nervous tick, opened Safari. Then realised that I didn’t have any Facebook. I have done this at least… 3 times today.

It’s at that point that I actually realised how many times a day I would log-in without even thinking about it. Not to mention the times I have been out and about somewhere and been on the iPhone app, or whatever.

If you had asked me a week ago how much I use Facebook, I would have said maybe once or twice a day, some days more, some days not at all, because that’s about the time I am active and reply. But the number of times I CHECK Facebook per day would be at least 8-10. Possibly even more. And I would honestly not have even realised I was doing it, because I stay logged in all the time.

I genuinely feel at a bit of a loss for myself because I am quite literally fitting in a work day and having spare time. I NEVER have spare time. I am studying full time, running a business and trying to be a parent for at least 5 minutes a day. Suddenly, I can fit it in.

I really had no idea how much of my day was taken up with Facebook till I quit cold turkey.

How about you? Be honest…

Why I deactivated my Facebook Account (and will probably delete it).

by tealou on March 14, 2010 in The Internet with 19 Comments

It’s hard to imagine a world without hyper-connectivity. It started with mobile phones, extended into social media and at the moment, the biggest trend is telling people where you are, what you are doing AT THIS VERY SECOND AND HERE’S A MAP OF THE RESTAURANT I AM EATING AT.

I attended a Conference where people were lauding Facebook and Twitter (and related services) as a revolution in the way we communicate. Whilst this is partially true, I think that not enough attention has been given to the potential pitfalls of evangelising it.

With all of the geeky tech things like FBConnect & APIs aside, which are very exciting and allow for many possibilities, what is the real personal cost of hyperconnectivity?

This is something I have been pondering for quite a while, so for anyone thinking it’s just one event and want to say “OMFG WHAT HAPPENED?”… relaaaax. It’s not about you. Or you. Or you.

And I am not talking about the headlines that drag social media in, like “MYSPACE MURDERS!”, “TWITTER BLAH BLAH”.

What are the real, actual effects on your day?

For me, because I work in front of a screen all day and often in a browser, Facebook is just a streaming timeline of everyone’s day. Mine included. But it’s become more pervasive than that and I believe that it has started to affect my psyche. It dominates my day, it is integrated into my thoughts. It sometimes even completely wastes my day. And sometimes, I will admit that it affects me negatively.

But you know? I hit a point where I realised that at least 95% of the people on my list never commented, never contacted me, never showed any interest. And I hadn’t actually met. And I share my innermost thoughts with them more often than anywhere else. It’s not real.

And for the people that I *had* met… it changed the dynamics, where non-comments resulted in me assuming I had been hidden, or made me second-guess friendships, or made me think to end them altogether.

It’s a bit of a destructive force in the life of someone, like me, who derives energy from other people… who lives their life very much (too much) to please others, to seek acknowledgement from others… to have this medium that allows it to become my fuel.

So now, I have decided to deactivate my account for 30 days, as an experiment, just to see what happens. I am still contactable on Twitter, Email, and good old fashioned telephone. But I am just interested to see what happens. Don’t assume I have deleted you, because I haven’t :)

It will be interesting to see who contacts, who emails, who calls… not just as a dramatic exit and “I’m taking my ball home”, but as a truly intellectually interesting exercise to see if a) I can live without it b) any of those relationships continue outside of it and c) whether others join me.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this, too… assuming, of course, anyone reads blogs anymore (seeing as I am not posting this on Facebook! ;))

They’re just not that into you: Client edition.

by tealou on March 10, 2010 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

All of us have had a lukewarm client at some point in our career. A lot of us have had many. They are hard to spot initially, because a lot of the time they say the right things. They seem enthusiastic, they go through the motions, but you often find yourself feeling unappreciated, or the project goes pear-shaped, because, through no fault of your own, you end up having to chase them down, pursue them, justify every decision.

I have been going through various aspects of personal growth, thinking philosophically about a lot of different things… what I want from relationships, what I expect and deserve from other people, being made to feel needy or desperate for pretty standard expectations… that sort of thing. This applies as much to the business philosophy as it does to other areas.

Some time ago, I read Greg Behrendt’s book “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I can’t remember where I even borrowed it – but with Greg being a friend of a few of my earlier clients, I checked it out. Being married, a lot of it really didn’t apply in a literal dating sense…. but in some ways over the years, having read the book has actually made some sense to me and often, you can find personal growth in the oddest of places. This was one of them.

Of course it’s since been made into a movie, and I haven’t seen it, so I imagine that you’re all pretty familiar with this as a concept… but just in case: a very quick and brief synopsis…

The main premise is that if you are having to second-guess your relationship, if you are having to chase them down, if you get no replies to calls or emails, if you get promises with no follow through… if you get frequent cancellations… well… He’s Just Not That Into You.

Of course the book is satirical and simplistic, but sometimes, that’s precisely what we need to hear in order to get some perspective. When someone loves you, they show it. And you know it.

How this applies in business

I am pretty sure that I am not the only person to have been strung along by a client or potential client. You know the ones: at the initial enquiry they are enthusiastic but non-committal. Still shopping around, still looking for that better deal… they say they want you and your services. They tell you you’re beautiful. All the right things. And usually they have a cool, fun project that makes you think you need them.

But somewhere along the line, after that first date, or sometimes the fourth, they start to string you along. They try to barter or bargain. They try to get you to do spec work. They take a week to reply to emails. They never say anything to make you think they aren’t interested, but you just get the feeling they aren’t. Sometimes, you will get through a whole project with this client, but they will disappear… or only get in touch when they need something… and often want it for free, because, you’re lucky to have them as a client, right?

And you start trying harder. You start working hard to try and impress them. You leave messages that go unanswered, emails that hint oh-so-nicely that their bill is 3 weeks overdue… and… let’s face it… drop other commitments with your comfortable, trustworthy “friend” clients, just to keep them happy.

Well, after a few years in business I have started to realise that I am worth more than that. Much like a woman with a ticking biological clock, I don’t have the time to be messing around with people who aren’t 100% onboard with what I am trying to do.

If I have to do the chasing, pretty soon I will move on because I am better than that.

And so is everyone else.

Is it worth your self respect to be chasing people who will never return the effort? No. Is it worth the money to put in triple the time pursuing a client that is never happy? No. Is it worth your valuable time and self esteem doing spec work? Endless revisions? Freebies? No.

Because like dating, there is a right fit… and those that love you will continue to love you. And it won’t be HARD.

So, in summary:

  • If you have to pursue them after the first enquiry
  • If you have to prove your worth more for them than usual
  • If they don’t use you exclusively on their project
  • If they call at midnight for a “quickie”
  • If they are abusive or inappropriate
  • If they don’t pay their invoices
  • If they won’t pay a deposit
  • If they don’t respect your timelines or work hours
  • If they only contact you in a crisis (and noone else can fix it)
  • If they ask everyone else’s opinion before they ask yours

Then they are Just Not That Into You. Period.

Move on. Find a better fit. Find someone who DOES put the effort in, who DOES respect you enough to return your calls or emails, who DOES tell their friends about you. You, your self-worth and your business are worth more than that.

On coping and surviving.

by tealou on March 8, 2010 in Married Life, the googletubes with 3 Comments

I have had a shit week. In fact, I have had a pretty shit 2 years which really all just came to a big lump of big fat fruition this week.

I’ve had some bad luck, made some poor decisions, met some people whose only interest in me is what I can do for them… you know… lots of little things that have culminated in a week where I felt like I was in freefall.

Freefall in my marriage. Freefall in my business. Freefall with my health… you know… just… an unending feeling of complete lack of control.

There have been lots of times when this has happened in my life… and I mean lots. The kind of individual life stresses that happen to normal people, ruin their lives by happening once, have happened to me pretty much consistently since birth. In fact, if you can name a [first world...] trauma, I’ve lived it.

I am not what you would call a “lucky” person, if pressed to answer in such dichotomies.

But you know, in many ways, I am. Because part of this is also means I am equipped with tremendous emotional strength. I am a good fixer. After I initially fall in a heap, process information round and round and round again, I eventually come out the other end with a set of solutions to fix it and continue to survive until the next crisis. I am also compassionate, and empathetic, and all of those things that come with going through grief.

For better or worse, social media, and my over-use of it in those times, makes it hard to explain, in the moment, that I am moving through a process. My updates have quite a distinct pattern if you look hard enough… that usually after a day of melancholy, grief, depression, processing… I emerge with solutions to my problems.

And, most importantly, I ACT on those solutions.

The problems of the last few years, 95% of which have been completely out of my control, have put tremendous strain on our marriage. And, despite having a successful business, the personal financial implications of workplace injuries, worker’s compensation, medical bills, new babies, extremely poor financial advice etc… are threatening to take the business with it.

Yesterday, it felt like both my marriage and my business were over. Today, after a day of reflection, problem solving, I am sure that I can dig the business out of the hole. Maybe. The marriage, well, that is going to require lots of work… but you know… this is the warts & all of social media, my friends. Yeah, my marriage is in trouble and neither of us know what the decision is just yet. But you know… that’s life.

Social media, like nothing else, is a warts & all accounts of moments in time. Our innermost thoughts and impulses are public… and reading back on it sometimes leads to embarrassment… or accusations of “overshare” or whatever. But you know what? It’s my network and I really don’t care if people have this view.

I often post updates on social media networks to try an reach out to friends for some advice, reflection or support. Some of you help, some of you don’t. And that’s ok, because over time, I start to get a sense of who is truly there for me and who isn’t. Mostly in the “isn’t” pile, but hey, that’s ok too.

I have lots of acquaintances, well wishers, superficial friendships where, on my good days, it can distract me from the fact that I have no 100%, no-pretence, no-conditions, warts-and-all friendships, except for my marriage. I don’t have a mother, or anyone else I can rely on when the only true friendship that I ever had starts to fall apart around me.

So I turn to Twitter, I turn to Facebook… because you know, some token friendship and advice is better than none.

I am lonely and I admit it. I am human and I admit that too. And sometimes, I exercise poor judgement… I admit that. But you know, I get to connect with people I wouldn’t ordinarily connect with, and sometimes I feel just a little bit less like a brainy outer space alien that can’t connect on a meaningful level with any other person… and a little more like I have friends.

Even if they aren’t real.

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